Salt Lake City, UT—Since being ordained an apostle, Elder Soares lost an impressive amount of weight. Church members began writing in to Church headquarters asking about his dietary secret. “Well, I exercise regularly, eat smaller portions, and cut out daily desserts,” Elder Soares explained in an official statement.

This public statement caused quite a stir among Keto and vegan members of the Church who felt the apostle’s public endorsement of specific diet practices was out of bounds. “I feel that apostles should remain neutral on everything,” said one Utah County resident.

Other Church members are just excited to hear that Elder Soares’ weightloss has led to new changes in the Church. Church leaders have announced that the quorum of 12 apostles will be reorganized into the quorum of 11 and 1/2 apostles. “There have been many changes in the Church, but this one was perhaps the most difficult. We made the change because we felt a piece of the quorum was missing,” said Elder Ballard, acting president of the quorum.