Salt Lake City, UT—A local bum who camps out on a street corner downtown claims to be Jesus of Nazareth. The only problem? There’s a guy on the street corner right next to him claiming the same thing. This seeming impossibility has caused theologians to wonder: Which one is the real Messiah?

“It’s going to be very difficult to find out,” says Michelangelo Di Francesco, Archbishop of Genoa, Italy. “But we know one thing for sure—it’s definitely one of these guys.”

One Salt Lake City resident explained, “Jesus said he would come as a thief in the night. Now I always thought that was just a metaphor, but that guy over there broke into my garage last night and stole some power tools. I think it might be him.”

The other bum, who identified himself as “Yeshua Yahweh The Great I AM,” said that he wasn’t able to perform any miracles to prove his identity, but he did tell reporters, “If you give me five bucks right now, I’ll remember you when you come to enter my Father’s Kingdom.”